Exotic beverage review: HYPE!

HYPE(!)

The Hype can has possibly the lengthiest product blurb I've yet seen on an energy drink. I quote below:

"FOR MAXIMUM ENJOYMENT PLEASE READ:

HYPE! should be kept safely out of reach of those whose conversation you do not enjoy! Drinking HYPE! before a BBQ may lead to excessive smack talking. Any action you get while drinking HYPE! will be purely coincidental. HYPE! is made with the finest ingredients like real elderberry juice, taurine, guarana, ginseng and caffeine. Look for HYPE! wherever things are happening. Open, sip, stay HYPE!"

Apparently HYPE! can be spelled either with or without the exclamation point. The can also suggests serving Hype ICE cold. Not ice cold, ICE cold.

It's kind of a reddish, rustish, orangish tomatoish colour. It's also really clear, which is quite refreshing, it's not milky or smokey like a lot of energy drinks.

HYPE! smells like an awkward blend of extreme refreshingness (which is probably from the elderberry juice) and vitamin-B, which makes me very curious about the flavour.

Damn, I was hoping it would be unpleasant. I've had an unusually lucky run of drinks that don't taste like ass, lately. Hype tastes like a pleasant combination of elderberry and fruitiness with a vague hint of vitamin-B lurking mischieviously in the bushes. It's not bad, really. It's also clearly got that weird bile-like taste that all pasteurised energy drinks feature, manifesting itself as a kind of petrochemical aroma. I'm grasping at straws to find something to dislike about Hype. Generally speaking, it's quite pleasant. It actually tastes slightly healthy.

Yeah, this one's best avoided warm. It's just vitamin-B and paint thinner, really. It also produces the same weird smell of superglue that V and Red Bull create when warm. There's something very unsettling about that smell.

Mm. The aftertaste is not so great. After the fruit flavour has dissipated, the vitamin-B rears its ugly head and belches unpleasantness on the whole parade. Also, the pasteurised weirdness is quite strong, producing a flavour I can only liken to one thing - the smell of fresh house paint. Mmm, painty goodness.

I suspect this is a drink that would be absolutely awesomely flavoured if it had no vitamin-B in it at all. I mean, aren't all the other weird and spectacular ingredients good enough without the one that makes everything taste like rancid, liquefacted celery? Celery and paint fumes abound in this one, but all together, it's not a bad energy drink. I give it four exclamation points. But I'm not going to type them, because that would be tacky.

Exotic beverage review: Red Lizard Energy Drink

It's pretty stock-standard. The can art is pretty awesome, though, their usage of Papyrus notwithstanding.

The main unique ingredient in this drink is amino acids. However, "amino acid" is kind of a container term for all manner of wonderful (and mostly inert and useless) chemicals. If you're really interested, you can read this page on Wikipedia, which tells you absolutely nothing about them, but uses a lot of big words.

Red Lizard is a cliché energy drink if ever there was one. It meets the required benchmarks, thus:

✔ Name involving a coloured animal Red Lizard. Red Bull. Blue Ox. Orange Gerbil. Whatever.

✔ Contains useless ingredient In this case, amino acids, clearly included because "amino acid" is a yuppy buzzword for "magical ingredient", and because it gives the false idea that allowing the beverage to ferment in a primordial atmosphere may bring about the advent of new life. Probably in the form of lizards. Red ones.

I was hoping it would be red. But it's not. It's the same urine yellow as most energy drinks. It's incredibly carbonated, though! I can hear it fizzing as I type this.

At the risk of comparing yet another drink to the benchmark - it smells like Red Bull. Upon opening the can, there's a strong smell of chemicals, however. It's exactly the same smell as the aroma of black felt pens, before they banned the inclusion of xylene as an ingredient. You remember the smell that you could taste? Mmm. Xylene.

It tastes slightly floral. Its similar to Red Bull, in that it tastes like vomit, but in this case, it's slightly floral vomit. The sweetness is definitely stronger than other drinks of the same kind. Not bad, really. Incidentally, it's still carbonated wonderfully. If I could award a drink based entirely on its bubbles, this one would be ze winnah.

The aftertaste is slightly greasy, but still floral. Somehow the floral or soapy flavour carries into the aftertaste. I've had worse drinks. If I could be bothered to waste the money on it, I'd have a can of Red Bull handy to compare these drinks to, but yeah, a ) can't afford it, and b ) I really don't want to have to drink a can of [insert beverage here] and then a can of Red Bull as well. I'd die. And we don't want that.

It's another Red Bull clone, but it's sweeter and slightly less offensive. Either that, or I'm becoming adjusted. There's a frightening thought.

Exotic beverage review: V

"The long-neck's back!" This is the V bottle from 2005. The current model is more bullet-shaped.

It's extremely yellow, quite like Red Eye Gold. Unlike the Red Eye beverages, which I use as a benchmark due to their superiority in most regards (i.e. taste), V retains its carbonation, rather than losing it entirely upon the bottle being opened.

V has a strong berry-like taste with a hint of medicine. It smells quite refreshing. Disturbingly, however, if you leave an open can or bottle of V in your car for a length of time, it emits a smell not dissimilar to superglue.

The flavour is quite strong. It tastes very much of berries, like some odd foreign fruit drink. There's no real taste evidence of vitamin B, which is a good thing. The berry flavour is obviously used to mask some of the other potential horrors in the drink. It's so strong it can actually make you squint a bit upon first tasting it. Overall, though, the taste is not unpleasant.

The berry-like masking flavour remains somewhat, presumably continuing to mask the vitamin B taste that's probably lurking beneath it. Due to the strength of the fruitiness and the fact the beverage remains carbonated, belching post-consumption revives the berry-like fruitiness considerably, and is not so pleasant.

It tastes strongly of berries. Blackcurrant, perhaps. No real bad tastes present, but the strength can be overwhelming. The stuff tastes quite pleasant mixed with lemonade, though.

Exotic beverage review: Power Booster

It's yellow, and the can is blue!

This is the first of three energy drinks I was mailed from The Netherlands, courtesy of Kees Engels. I'm slightly daunted, but I shall soldier on! It's in a bright blue can, and the label is written in Dutch and French.

It's yellow and vaguely carbonated. It looks like essentially every other energy drink available.

Upon opening the can, one is greeted by an overwhelming onslaught of aroma, a weird combination of sweetness and medication. Up close, it smells identical to Red Bull, however. Bonus points for the incredibly intense stench as the can is opened. It's possible the smell of the beverage and the taste of the beverage aren't on agreeable terms, and at the first opportunity of freedom, the stink evacuates out of the opening drink-hole for freedom. I like to imagine the taste of the drink to be the type to talk non-stop about the brand of socks it buys and how they best fight food odour, while the smell of the drink clambers around the top of the can trying to evolve claws with which to pry open the egress.

Generic Energy Drink Yellow™.

Mmm...bitter Red Bull. It has all the "ACTUNG, I AM A CHEMICAL" flavour of Red Bull, but with a slight additional woody taste, and a bit of bitterness. It's as though it's slightly more organic than Red Bull, which is clearly manufactured in airtight laboratories on a distant moon somewhere. Upon further sippage, there's also a bit of soapiness present. If it wasn't for my ritualistic vigorous washing of the glass before pouring an energy drink into it, I'd say the flavour was akin to dishwashing detergent left in the glass. Not unpleasant, but..yeah, unnecessary. All up, the flavour is neither better nor worse than Red Bull, which places it wholly within the midrange of energy drinks in general.

The soapiness continues slightly after consumption. It tastes like you've just washed your hair and had an awkward shampoo/mouth moment during the process. It's not unpleasant, all told, but these tiny chips of disgustingness do slowly erode away an otherwise decent energy drink.

It's okay. It's nothing special. It's essentially Red Bull in a different can with a bit of soap and bitterness added.

Exotic Beverage: Monster Energy

It says pee on the can, and it looks like pee!

Monster is one of the pack leaders in energy drinks, up there with Rockstar and Red Bull, and in Australia, with V and Mother.

It's in a huge can, and it has a sense of humour. All other points aside, this usually doesn't bode well for an energy drink. Adorning the starboard side of the can are the "5 good reasons to make a Monster Energy Drink". They are, as follows:

1. We tried to make a relaxation drink, but everyone just fell asleep.
2. Unlike liquor, there's no background check.
3. It makes your urine go really cool colours.
4. It doesn't claim to be good for you.
5. Because size really does count.

So there.

It's yellow. Similar to beer. And similar to most energy drinks. Mmm, yellow.

Mm, fizzy.

It smells strangely inoffensive! It's vaguely reminiscent of Red Bull, but without the overwhelming stench of bile. It's similar to Red Eye Plus, but not as dairy-ish. So far, so good with this one!

Of all the drinks I've had lined up, waiting to try, this one made me most hesitant. Partially because it's sold in a huge can with a screaming man on it. Partially because I bought it in Newtown, Sydney. Partially because it's the only energy drink I've encountered so far to feature the word "urine" on the can. However, I'm disappointed. It tastes quite nice. It's by far more pleasant than Red Bull, my trusty energy drink benchmark, and it actually justifies the oversized dimensions of its can by being entirely drinkable.

There's also very little chemical aftertaste. Even the flavour of b-vitamins, the bane of all energy drink belches, is not present. There's a slight hint of fruitiness, but overall it's not unpleasant in any way.

I'm stunned. I totally expected a horrible, horrible drink. However, it's a pleasant, oversized drink that's completely drinkable.

Adrenalin - Exotic Beverage Review

It's named after a hormone.

It's nice to find an energy drink that isn't obviously a Red Bull clone, after the recent onslaught of them that I've sampled. Adrenalin comes in a variety of flavours, including "orange" and "citrus", a flavour definition about as broad as "potato" and "tubers". The other flavour is "berry", which I wish I'd bought, but decided not to, feeling it was a pretty generic flavour for energy drinks and that citrus was sightly more unique.

It's the colour of radioactive urine. It's YELLOW. Not just yellow. In fact, not just YELLOW. It's YELLOW. And it's not carbonated, so there's no movement in it at all.

It smells like an intriguing (albeit slightly sickening) combination of Mountain Dew, lemon cordial, and Berocca. I get the feeling there'll be lots of vitamin B to be enjoyed in this one. Mmm.

To taste, it's vitamin-B flavoured Gatorade, really. It's slightly lemony at first, but it's overwhelmingly laden with vitamin B and the taste of wood and chemicals. It also seems to strip the lining off the inside of your mouth at the exact same time it sends some weird chemical message to your saliva glands, telling them to quit manufacturing saliva because it's harming the environment. Or something. It dries your mouth out like you're sucking on a piece of chalk. That said, the taste itself isn't that bad! It's just oddly textured and slightly weird.

It's like Homer Simpson's face.

Oh, God. Don't burp. For the love of Christ, if you feel a belch coming, compress it and make it come out someplace else. It's the most unpleasant form of reflux you can possibly imagine. Remember those herbal cold and flu tablets? The green ones, shaped like diamonds? I think they had red ones that were the "night" variant. They produced an unpleasant aftertaste of garlic, vitamin B and death when you belched. This stuff produces the same taste, but with a nice liquidness to it, reminding you that you just drank something that's chemically indiscriminate from yak piss.

I don't know what to make of this one. The concept is nice, it's basically envigorated Gatorade. It's nice that it's not carbonated, but I don't think it'd be of any benefit to slam this stuff down fast, as it'd probably throw your immune system into chaos. The flavour is quite nice, but the aftertaste and ultimate belching make you want to smash the bottle on a nearby hard thing and commit ritual hari-kari before any more of it millimetres its way up your eosophagus. Like I said, I'm not sure. I guess this is about average for an energy drink, all things considered. Nice taste, makes your soul ache.

As of 2013: Extinct. No longer for sale. What a shame, too.

Exotic beverage: Rhino's Energy Drink

Rhino's Energy Drink in all its glory.

I don't have much to report on this one. I somehow thought this would turn out to be one of the weird aphrodisiac drinks, containing extract of rhinoceros horn, or something. I guess import and poaching laws nipped that one in the bud, eh?

It's a tad paler than the usual slightly burned yellow colour energy drinks generally take on. I'd predicted red. I was wrong.

It smells similar to the scent of Red Eye Plus, a slightly fruity but contradictorily dairy aroma. It contains taurine and is pasteurised, so there's probably a link there.

It's really quite pleasant. It's got the vague taste of Red Bull (i.e. a sickly sweet flavour, kind of like vomit -- but in a good way) with a slightly spicy overtone. There's also very little taste of random chemicals, and miraculously no taste at all of vitamin-B. I'm impressed. Totally.

Bubble-tacular.

There's no aftertaste that's unexpected. The taste of generic energy drink lingers for a while, but it's thankfully lacking the flavour of vitamin B. It does leave a slight greasy "skin" on your mouth, but that's to be expected from these drinks. Bravo for someone finally making an energy drink that tastes like an energy drink should, but doesn't leave you feeling like you've just imbibed an entire health food store and a litre of sump oil.

I apologise for the dullness of this review, but I've not managed to find any part of Rhino's Energy Drink to mock, parody or otherwise take the piss out of. It's flavour is exactly how an energy drink should taste, with no outstanding good or bad points. It's pleasant, as a beverage. Hoorah, Rhino's Energy Drink.

B-52 - Exotic Beverage Review

Boom.

This is one of many disturbing drinks made in The Netherlands, like Private Energy, although they're all imported by different importers, as far as I can tell. This one states "Dutch Original" on the can, which is intriguing.

It's that generic "energy drink gold" colour. Kinda looks like either beer or pee, depending on whether you're a pessimist or a pessimist. It's slightly carbonated, and the carbonation vanishes speedily once the can is breached.

It smells identical to Red Bull. I had suspicions when I sampled Private Energy that it was merely re-branded Red Bull, but I was thwarted in that case by the inclusion of Ginseng, an ingredient not found in Red Bull. In this case, B52 does not claim to be pasteurised, which I assume is a mandatory statement on the can if it's the case. So again, not an actual Red Bull clone, just a similar recipe.

Generic energy drink gold. Mmm.

To taste: Whoa. It's very much unlike Red Bull. For approximately a quarter of a second, it tastes like Red Bull, then it becomes totally overpowering and bitter. The bubbles seem to amplify the excessively sour/bitter flavour, causing an uncontrollable shudder. Forcing myself to sip at the beverage now, I find I can manage no sips larger than about a half teaspoon at a time. It has a vague soapy fragrance hanging above it. It's worth noting that the can I have is past its best before date by two months, so it's possible the flavour has been affected. That said, I find it hard to imagine this tasted any better in November.

The only aftertaste is the irritating vitamin-B flavour, which tastes very much like you have a wad of fermenting lawn clippings wedged at the back of your throat. Overall, my soul doesn't feel too greatly damaged by this drink, although I don't believe I've imbibed more than a tablespoon of it.

It's a truly middle-of-the-road energy drink. It follows all the required criteria. Tiny can with snappy graphics on it. A name suggesting an explosion of flavour and energy. A price tag leaving you wondering why you wasted so much money on it. The reeking flavour of vitamin B, masked ineffectually by numerous fragrant fruit and artificial flavourings. Mild carbonation that vanishes upon opening the can. If Red Bull is the benchmark for an average energy drink -- in both content and flavour -- then this is just below the average point.

It's bad, very bad: Mother energy drink

Mother. It's deceptive, bro.

Note: This review is based on the original recipe of Mother, which was released in 2006. In 2008, Coca Cola decided -- wisely -- to reformulate the crap into a basic Red Bull clone, and marketed it with the slogan "It tastes nothing like the old one", transparently demonstrating their acknowledgement of the fact that the drink you're about to read a review about tasted like Satan's crotchpit.

Mother claims to be an "all natural" energy drink, although I suspect most drinks can parade themselves under this label if they choose to. It contains an alarming amount of "natural" chemicals, including something extracted from the berries of the Açaí, a type of palm tree native to the Amazon basin, Korean Ginseng and the usual caffeine and guarana characters.

I got too close.

This drink is available almost everywhere, but I first located it in a convenience store in Sydney city. The store was being loaded with crates of the stuff, suggesting to me that it may actually be a decent drink.

It's slightly red-brown, and not as dark as cola. It's also quite carbonated and remains that way for much longer than other energy drinks.

It smells of ginger. It's like weak ginger beer, with a hint of medicine over it. I don't like ginger, or ginger beer, so this doesn't bode well for Mother.

It does (did) come in a funky bottle, though.

It tastes utterly unpleasant. In fact, it tastes as though it just corroded part of my soul. It's slightly gingery with no effort made whatsoever to mask the reeking flavour of b-vitamins. There's also a hint of aniseed and the general flavouring of medicine. I can detect no flavour whatsoever that feels either safe, nor good for me.

It leaves very little aftertaste, and what it does leave tastes simply fresh, as though I've just swilled with ginger mouthwash. There's a very mild hint of b-vitamins.

I find it rather difficult to rate this drink on a whole. It's neither pleasant nor unpleasant, and my immediate dislike of it probably stems from my general avoidance of ginger, which makes my opinion more biased than usual. The problem with these drinks on a whole is that the ingredients rarely perform the magical tasks they claim, and are rarely well thought-out as companion ingredients in the same beverage. Having "all natural ingredients" doesn't necessarily mean that the ingredients, when mixed together, won't curdle your innards. This drink isn't unpleasant, but it does taste of ginger. It's unlike any other energy drink I've reviewed, thus far, so it stands alone in its weirdness.

Exotic beverage: Speed

Speed.

"Speed" is a licensed trademark of "Steb", and is apparently canned..or manufactured..or something, in Clayton, Victoria. It's distributed by L-Z Distribution. Not sure if there was ever an A-K Distribution. More research needed.

No spectacularly bizarre ingredients, but it does contain Citric Aurantium, which has no redeeming qualities other than being used occasionally as a flavouring in Asian dishes.

I guess the ultimate way to get people to buy your product is to name it as though it contains narcotics. Or to name it after a Keanu Reeves movie.

It's a darkish, dusty maroon. Purple, really. The photos don't do it justice. My camera is red/purple colourblind. It's quite fizzy. (The drink. Not the camera.)

It's got a really strong stink of raspberry, combined with a smell of stale beer and methylated spirits. That said, though, it doesn't smell too bad. What the hell is wrong with me?

it's PURPLE

It tastes slightly of raspberry and quite a bit like the official standard of "energy drinks", which is the overpowering flavour of vitamin B, usually coupled with some horrendous fruit flavour trying to hose it away. It's got quite a rough texture, too. Although having described it, it's still not that bad.

Once again I have to deal with the fundamental vitamin B flavour trying to eat away at my soft palate. The methylated spirits aroma from before again reappears, which isn't the most pleasant experience.

It's not that bad. I can't say much more than that. After all of the above mocking, it's still quite drinkable.